25 11 / 2013

terrysdiary:

Lou Reed at my studio in 2008.

terrysdiary:

Lou Reed at my studio in 2008.

19 7 / 2013

20 11 / 2012

Curiosity as the saying will hurt in the long run…Keeping something confined for so long and one thrilled and anticipating for it to lash out. Not realizing the repercussions of what there asking. Some things are better left unsaid as some things should stay locked away meaning your inner demons.

Afraid how one will look at you after it was they who brought it out to begin with. Shouldn’t allow someone to take you there but one can only hold back for so long. Enduring there constant nagging and criticism. Telling you will not amount to nothing then what you see before you.

Must I, must I continue like this? For I am the only one that can change my surroundings my stars and just pray I break away before it’s to late.

20 11 / 2012

By hypocrites, idiots, and dumb ass people. Why does one feel to worry about ones feelings when that person obviously doesn’t. Doesn’t want to succeed or want anyone around them as well.

Need to surround myself with those who want to see me grow and go further than where I am and remind myself about the positive things that I have for gotten about myself.

Today will be that day I me will remind myself because there is no where else to go. I’ve already been as low as one can be so only place now is to rise. Rise to the occasion and thought of succeeding from here on out.

And those that do support me will never ever be for gotten for you are set in my heart, engraved giving me strength to move forward. So, with that said I’ve made up my mind will continue on no matter what obstacles ly before me I will over come one way or the other.

19 11 / 2012

The beginning was afraid but no longer, for I know my calling.
Was wise before my time but now that time has passed I have age to go with my wisdom.
For are we not all prophets speaking the word of life in our own image.
Knowing things before they happened now it’s like a walk in the park for me.
Use to be scared but no more.
God give’s me a sign when it is time to pass my knowledge for not everyone is ready.
And that’s OK! Some people need to want to be educated we can’t force them, for force doesn’t get anyone anywhere.
So, of course like anyone else I have gone through my ups and downs but like the saying goes “It’s how you come out of it is up to you”.
For me I decided to stay strong mentally and physically.
This point in my life something I didn’t have then was patience, now I’m learning the meaning of that word.
Patience, love writing it down ad saying it out loud.
For you the one is teaching me my worth without you even knowing it.
Each day I explore your mind is like learning something new about myself.
I’ve always put myself down, never thought I deserved to be loved.
Surrounding myself with those who just lusted over me but never took the time to know me.
In any case, don’t think I wanted them to for in my mind they weren’t worthy enough to make it to stand beside me.
For the one who who’s worthy will stand beside me in my dark shell reminding me and walking me to the light telling me everything will be OK.
But as for you, you take my breath away. You bring out a light in me that I thought I lost as a child making me feel like I can do anything or conquer anything in my path.
Knowing you are right beside me gives me strength of ten men and a mind that loves all.
Before I didn’t smile as much as I should, but then slowly you awaken that.
Always wondered what god had in stored for me for later on.
Was always afraid, now that your here I’m no longer. For you are my knight and shinning armor.
When I’m with you all I want to do is caress you, massage you, make love to your mind-body and soul period just take care of you.
Want to show you the true meaning of the word “LOVE”, a lot of people abuse that word.
Me I mean it when I tell you but my actions will reveal themselves, then you will know what I say is real.
Sad knowing you were mistreated as I, now that will all come to a stop for I will heal our wounds. I make it my journey my quest to make you the happiest man alive. For now besides my blessing from god my girls I have you to share my whole life with…

19 11 / 2012

Back in the grind with my thoughts running a mile a minute. So, my thoughts and questions fall around one word “COMMITMENT”, Why does everyone treat it like a disease? When there are far more things to be scared of.

Is it so wrong to fight for what you want and hold on to something you truly believe is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

But now find myself in unfamiliar waters. I always know that I want and go after it but feeling much hesitant lately. Pray it blows over soon, cause I don’t know how much more I can take.

Can not wait til he arrives for I will be all he has ever desired and hope for as he will be mine. So, til that day will sit and wait sit and wait…

Thank goodness for my pen and paper. When I get into you I feel at peace with myself and my whole surroundings. So, I thank you!

18 11 / 2012

They say it heals all wounds guess we will see for I have allot of scars that I’ve allowed to set in. Now it’s time for the healing process. Need to be happy for myself and no-one else. Cause I am the only one that can keep me smiling and positive. It’s my own fault thinking I needed or need someone to make me whole. When I’ve had it in front of me all along. My Girls<3

Love you Sade’ and Zhane’ if it weren’t for you two mommy would be lost but Now I know my calling.

18 11 / 2012

What we all tend to feel more than we should. Mine I lose in my pen on to paper then that’s where it all begins. For if I let it continue in my mind I will allow it to consume me and that is not an option. Being cause have two beautiful seeds who rely on me and letting them down just won’t do.

So, will fight off the demons inside as long as I must til my task at hand is complete. Will continue using my pen my sword. As I look at it as it rips away the darkness allowing a little more light in. Praying and hoping that someone out there knows of my sorrows and can actually relate.

18 11 / 2012

Searching for it an wondering if it will ever be found, in this life time or any life time while I still breath. Will I ever have that peace, love, strength, funny feeling?

People surround themselves around materialistic things that can’t hold them, talk to them or even be there for them…why?

Me, want true love but want it so bad that I’m so scared I won’t notice it if it ever appeared to me. Want someone to love me for me not my curves, my lips, my flowing hair but me. My heart my soul, my mind that is what I want you to touch. Never had that, so my whole being screams for it.

Tired of always hearing someone tell you how beautiful or gorgeous and blessed with the curves god has given you. Like seriously I don’t think that’s what every girl wants to hear for we are more than that.

Cause the qualities I do possess are beyond that. Not asking for much but to grow and build with that one. Show the world we can conquer anything as long as we are doing it along side one another. Want the world to be jealous and search out what we have. Want us to burn so bright that our warmth keep those warm.

And then they themselves will know our feeling. It’s easy to say you love someone but to actually show or mean it is so another…

11 11 / 2012

That is how it feels sometimes, not knowing whether your coming or going. Feeling as though you have two left feet, always trying my best to knock myself down. But in the other hand I still continue…Knowing I know the answer to my question but refuse to allow it to surface. Cause then that will mean I will have to finally face it head on. Unable to though, so I run and stumble crawling away thinking if I run fast enough or dodge it will be the end of it.

Unfortunately it isn’t no matter how much I try to avoid it, its the inevitable. All ready carved in stone. Don’t want to fall anymore, would like to glide for once and feel the wind beneath me. Fly over everyone and gaze down upon them in wonder. Feeling free from everyone’s burdens and sorrows and of my own. Especially my own for that is what is blocking me from continuing at the moment. Not that I want it to but it is. So, all I can do now is sit back and wait for it. Ponder slowly, don’t over think and just gradually let it be. For that is what I must do. Starting to realize that now.

Can’t force it so mind as well walk along side.